May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
