I wish I could punch you in the face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
