My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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