everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
