I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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