Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
