Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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