and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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