I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
