So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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