You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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