The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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