remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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