i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
