is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Randomize
