Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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