508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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