Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
