My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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