it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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