Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
