2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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