your parents love me but you hate me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
