Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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