I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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