Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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