if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize