We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are the jesus of drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
