you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
