dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
