You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
that is very illegal...i love you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
