marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
