Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
