wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
