"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
