That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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