I met the friendliest cop last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
