Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
