these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
