You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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