my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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