Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
