I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
