what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
