I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
