He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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