the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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