I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
