Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
