What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
