I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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