omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
