I cockslap morals
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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