3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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