I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
