1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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