I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
